I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
