THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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