this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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