Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
