I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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