So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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