What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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