I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
