Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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