WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
