you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
