I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
