Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
