All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
