Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
