i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
