I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
