dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
