I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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