need another drink. this is the easiest way
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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