see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
