Will you blow on my dice?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
