I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
