Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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