I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
