What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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