"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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