So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
