Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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