Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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