my soul wont recognize me after tonight
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
