she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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