i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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