Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
