I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
