After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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