cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
