dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
