Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
