I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
