yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
