Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
