yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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