Having a random hookup so left but love u
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
