Whod you bang
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
