I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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