saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
