just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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