My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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