Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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