omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize