I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
