My cat gives me a boner
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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