i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
