Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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