I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
