All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
