I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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