I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The best revenge is premature balding
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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