I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
