i don't like sucking hair
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The feeling are messing with the penis
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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