she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
