I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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