You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
