My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
