The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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