i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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