Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
