One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
