I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
