my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i think i just lost a toe
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
