I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
