Got a toothbrush?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my fart just growled at me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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