if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
