just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
