Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
