hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
